New Tarantino film homage to himself

A 7-hour tribute to his own gangster films of the 90s.

Lovers of good old Quentin Tarantino will rejoice in the screenwriter / director's upcoming film, as it will be an homage to his own ganster movies of the 90s, such as Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

"I want to make small movies, again."

On his official website, the 51 year old auteur confirmed what up to yesterday was only rumours, about the film being such a tribute, adding: "The last two period epics (note: Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained) have exhausted me. I want to make small movies, again, like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs."

Tarantino has already received comments accusing him of self reference, but he does not yield. "It is not self reference; it will simply be an homage to my younger self. It is not the same thing."

The film maker refused to go into more details about his new piece of work, other than the fact that the new film will have 3 parts and will span over 7 hours of action-packed screentime.

Vatican condemns "Lorem ipsum"

Pope suggests replacement with "Ave Maria."

Rome - After celebrating yesterday's Mass, Pope Francis focused some fiery remarks on "Lorem ipsum," a passage commonly used in publishing and web design, advising Catholics of the forementioned industries to refrain from using it, as "it is inappropriate and most possibly heretical."

Those present were not surprised by the Pope's fury, as he had already posted on Twitter, three days ago: "This passage is an insult to the language of the Catholic Church. Even 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' is a better option than this latinesque abomination."

"Why use gibberish Latin when one has such a vast linguistic heritage?"

The pontiff said he was, at first, puzzled when he discovered the passage in an html template of Adobe Dreamweaver. He immediately froze the process of updating the Vatican website and ordered the assembly of a linguistics comittee. After a thourough investigation, the commitee concluded that "Lorem ipsum" is not, in fact, real Latin.

"Why use gibberish Latin when one has such a vast linguistic heritage?" the Pope asked, but no member of the congregation dared to reply. Then, he went on with some suggestions: "'Ave Maria' is an excellent passage for CSS and HTML 5. In regard to print, simple and classic sentences suffice, like 'Regina rosas amat' or 'Dum spiro spero.'"

Pope Francis concluded his sermon by informing the congregation that the Catholic Church is currently raising funds, in order to change the "Lorem ipsum" passage from every digital or printed document, worldwide. Those interested can make a donation to the papal Paypal account; more information given at the Pope's official Facebook page.

 

Chilli Peppers announce new album not about California

The band expresses need to musically explore other parts of the earth, like Michigan and Utah.

The popular rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers just announced working on a new album, scheduled for early next year. They haven't disclosed a name, yet, but they have informed us about a surprising artistic decision: none of the album's songs will have any reference to the band's favourite place of the world, California.

"California has been an entertaining obsession for us for almost 15 years. We don't want to wear it out," said band frontman and founding member Anthony Kiedis.

"It is harder than we thought. We have been californicated for good.

The band acknowledges the existence of places outside the US, such as Europe, Asia, and Africa, but they don't want to put too much on their plate, at least not for this next album. Kiedis continues: "Decalifornication requires slow and careful steps; we don't want to be overwhelmed by the multitude of international options, so we'll stick with the US, for this one."

Every change brings resistance, though, as explained by the band members, who find difficulties switching to their new themes.

"It is harder than we thought. We have been californicated for good. One has to remind oneself that there are other states out there," said drummer and Will Ferrel impersonator Chad Smith.

"I tried scribbling something, the other day, about my birthplace, Michigan, but it was a nightmare. I started crying: 'How am I going to do this?' I had never experienced writer's block, before," moans Kiedis.

How do they deal with artistic block? "We rearranged the studio fridge, cleaned the garage, and went for another world tour. But the blank page was still there, when we got back, looking straight back at us."

"How am I going to do this? I had never experienced writer's block, before,"

So, what are the honoured states? Should we expect a Michiganization?

The band refuses to go into details. "We don't want to jinx it. It will be a surprise. And the result of extremely hard work," brags Kiedis. "We are currently in the deep waters of research. Flea and Chad have already moved to Idaho, while I spend at least 2 hours per day skimming through google maps."

The next album is estimated to hit the shelves in Feb 2015.

 

Pencil chewing high-risk cause of lung cancer

Case of coughing 2nd-grader kickstarts research.

Nowdays, not many people dare doubt that cigarette smoking can be harmful. A team of MDs and psychologists from London's UCL Hospital, though, claim that pencil chewing can have equally harmful effects, such as lung or throat cancer, if its subject's intention is to imitate smoking.

The research was launched following the incident of an 8-year-old student, fainting in class, after a violent cough attack. When asked, the boy admitted having chewn a pack of HB pencils, in the school toilets, during the break.

Researchers deem irrelevant the fact that the boy's parents are both heavy smokers, focusing instead on the brain's unconscious associations of the pencil with a cigarette and chewing it with smoking.

How can this even be possible, one may ask. Does graphite have toxic properties, after all? Moreover: does every pencil chewer experience health problems?

The unconscious brain associates pencils with cigarettes and chewing them with smoking.

Research team leader Dr. Garry McDermott, MD explains that it all comes down to autosuggestion. "The unconscious brain associates pencils with cigarettes and chewing them with smoking. Then, depending on each subject's belief system, autosuggestion gets triggered accordingly: to those who believe that cigarettes can be harmful, pencil chewing -as a substitute- seems to have the same effect. On the other hand, subjects coming from backgrounds where smoking has been neither glorified nor condemned seem to have no health problems caused by pencil chewing."

Why would anyone chew a pencil, though? According to the reaserch team's psychologists, there are two main reasons causing people to suck on their stationery:

1. to assist their mental process of the conscious (thinking) and
2. to make themselves look almost as cool as smokers.

According to the finds of the research, of the two categories, only the second is said to have tendencies towards health problems, like lung cancer. This is, of course, due to the subject's latent association with smoking, even if the subject is a non-smoker.

After years of antismoking campaigns, doctors find interesting that not only did cigarettes not lose their subliminal allure, but this allure has also transcended smoking itself, infiltrating other, previously concidered harmless activities.

"We forbid them to do it in class, but they can always do it in private, during the breaks."

Teachers worry, as peer pressure leads more and more students to chewing their pencils.

"We forbid them to do it in class, but they can always do it in private, during the breaks," says 6th-grade teacher Fiona Highsmith. Most teachers share the opinion that pencil chewing helps kids boost their self-confidence. "It makes them feel "cool," which can take several definitions, including intelligent, streetwise, and plain macho, depending on the hardness of the pencil tip."

So, after pencils, what's next, one may ask. Lollipops? Fellatio? Scientists are no less puzzled than us. "All this is but speculation," says Dr. McDermott, admitting that it's too early to point fingers at innocent phallic symbols.

The research continues, as doctors are currently running experiments to define the effects of chewing other kinds of office supplies, like mechanical pencils, markers, and feather quills. Until more results are gathered, however, school students are advised to hold their pencils in their mouths, using cigarette holders.

 

Man's love increases wife's breast size

Husband's care and attention worked miracles on 46-y.o. woman's mammary glands.

East Anglia, UK - Μartha McAllistair, 46, experienced a rare change in her body, as her breasts increased from size D to an impressive EEE, only within the last four months. Not inexplicably, according to her husband, who claims to have spent the last 20 years fondly caressing his wife's breasts, at least 2 hours per day, an act which, he states, had beneficial results to their size and well-being.

"I don't think I have a magic touch," says Larry McAllistair, 52. "It is something every man can do for his wife."

So, how does it work? Larry explains the phenomenon and analyses his methods: "Caressing, fondling, and groping; but also kissing, sucking, and licking them… All these actions enhance the flow of endorphins, helping the female body to react in such a positive way. And if there is no time for physical contact, one can simply stare at them with affection and also get good results."

"I don't think I have a magic touch. It is something every man can do for his wife."

Martha, remarried and mother of five, seems equally enthusiastic: "My previous husband would have been appalled. He almost hated my old boob-size; not to mention the current one... Thank God, Larry loves these two puppies!"

Overall, the couple seems very happy with the incident. "It's something new in our lives," they chant in unison. "At the end of the day, our relationship has seen several icebergs. We can definitely confront two more," said the wife.

Does Martha's case indicate that love and care can be a natural alternative to silicone implants? Endocrinologists are hesitant, but their skepticism does not seem to overshadow the couple's happiness.

Yesterday, Martha donated her obsolete D-sized brassieres, as well as a pair of before-and-after photographs to the Frederick's Lingerie Museum, in Hollywood.

Masturbation illegal without fantasy's consent

Man jailed for fantasising on his neighbour

A fruit salesman was sentenced to six months in prison for masturbating while thinking of his neighbour without her consent, a court said yesterday.

Adam Ferguson, 36, was arrested in April 2007 in his South Kensington flat, where he was said to have been performing sexual intercourse with himself, between the months of August 1994 and April 2002, although he allegedly took breaks in order to catch up with other significant tasks. Ferguson confessed that, for most of these acts, he had stimulated himself using a memory he had of his neighbour Geraldine Hayes, 47, whose semi-bare feet he had accidentally seen while she was sunbathing, in the summer of 1994.

Mrs. Hayes was unaware of the fact that, all those years, she had been Ferguson's sexual muse, but when he greeted her with a cheerful "Hello, Geraldine. Hey, I recognise these flip-flops!" in the morning of 3 April 2007, she started suspecting him. Then, she stopped suspecting him for two weeks and started suspecting him again on 20 April 2007, when she called the police.

"I feel abused. It is a terrible feeling to know that someone has been thinking about you in such ways," said Mrs. Hayes, mother of three, vixen, and yoga teacher. "If I had known, I would have never sunbathed in my garden in the first place." Her husband Mark, whose first name he wished to remain secret, refused to comment.

"Although having sex with oneself is no crime, it is the duty of this court to emphasise that engaging non-consenting parties in one's erotic fantasies is a serious sexual offense," said presiding judge, Sir Justice Justin, upon announcement of the sentence.

Ferguson's attorney, court-veteran Sir James Holmes, was satisfied with the sentence and encouraged his client to see the positive side. "It is fortunate that no material such as photographs or video were involved," he said. "If that had been the case, we would be facing a possible conviction of two years of imprisonment or more." Allegations that Sir Holmes's fine mood had less to do with the case than with his recent renouncement of wheat were dismissed as flippant.

The Ferguson trial refueled the debate about prosecution for unauthorised use of memories and other mental images for sexual stimulation purposes, an issue first discussed in 2004, when Hollywood actress Diane Rosewood sued her pool attendant for harassment. The star claimed that her employee saw her in her bikini and used that image for his erotic stimulation, with his wife, later the same evening.